Mentoring requires immense sensitivity and interpersonal skill. Just as a good mentor can profoundly influence a child, so can a poor one. An inappropriate mentorship experience can severely damage the psychological development of a child. Mentorship is a trust, a role that is profound and powerful. Here are a few areas in which a competent mentor will assist a child (of any age) in self-development and self-awareness through the use of judicious communication and relationship. Here are a few suggested messages, strategies, and statements, grouped by developmental age and theme (much of this material is adapted from the Bodynamic system):
Messages
Strategies
Holding, with particular emphasis on the so-called bonding point which is located between the shoulder blades, on the crest of the back. For many children, the bonding point is the location which first comes into contact with the inner surface of the womb. Gentle touch on the bonding point may promote feelings of safety and support (this is why many people instinctively touch this spot on others when showing empathy, caring or support). Creation of safe space. For fostering or adoption: secure, reliable placement. Quiet, non-intrusive atmosphere.
Messages
Strategies
Infants use as many as 150 different cries, each of which has a specific meaning, is a specific request, or represents a specific expression. Awareness of the vocabulary of this language of cries is a central task of caregivers of infants. The tendency is to interpret many cries as requests for food. Only a small number of cries derive from hunger; most involve requests for interaction, or emotional comfort, or simply for being together, which is the main ingredient of healthy dependency. (And, sometimes, babies just cry, for no apparent reason; usually in the evening, inconsolably, for durations of up to a couple of hours. This pattern is not currently understood.) Many people with unfinished imprinting from this age have chronic problems staying warm, particularly in the hands and feet. They often enjoy warm water, in hot tubs and baths.
Messages
Strategies
Cross-pattern movement: this is any type of movement that utilizes opposite sides of the body at the same time, for example the left hand and the right foot. The most common types of cross-pattern movement are crawling, walking and running. Intentional crawling (in which crawling is a game, and the adult crawls too). Nature and cultural experiences: will expand a child’s experience of the world. Physical exercise: anything with cross-patterning.
Messages
Strategies
Strong self-awareness, relaxation, and containment on the part of caregivers. Combining parental kindness with firmness. Conversations about power (physical, emotional, verbal): discuss what power is, how to use it, when to avoid using it. Wrestling (using Aikido-type principles, in which conflict is perceived as flow, or energy). Non-competitive games, or games in which success depends upon co-operation and collaboration (for example, Frizbee, tossing a ball, Lego-building).
Messages
Strategies
Conversations about sensual boundaries, safety in the community, norms and behaviors, etc. Safe romantic play.
Messages
Strategies
Strong self-awareness on the part of caregivers: differing views/opinions must be OK. Recognition that it does not matter (much) who is right; the relationship is the important thing. Encouragement of conversation, debate, dialog. Provision of educational opportunities.
Messages
Strategies
School involvement. Coaching. Support of friends and the peer group (in other words, being an involved parent or caregiver). Assistance with finding a skill at which the child excels. Assistance with the complexities of peer group relationships. Humour, playfulness, relaxation.